What’s up, football fiends? Chuckle your way down the field with this uproarious collection of 75 Chicago Bears jokes. We’ve got knee-slappers that could make a grumpy coach grin!
Suit up in your most cherished jersey, plop down into your trusty seat, and prepare to cackle until you drop the ball! These side-splitting quips are sure to be a touchdown for any fan looking for some comedic relief.
List of Chicago Bears Jokes
1. Why did the Chicago Bears go to the bank? Because they wanted to get their quarterback some change!
2. What do you call a Chicago Bears player who’s always on time? Punctual Bear!
3. Why did the Chicago Bears bring a ladder to the game? Because they heard the tickets were in the upper deck!
4. How do you keep a Chicago Bears player from stealing your lunch? Put it in a trophy case!
5. Why did the Chicago Bears coach go to the dentist? He needed a game plan!
6. What do you call a Chicago Bears player with a Super Bowl ring? Old-timer!
7. Why did the Chicago Bears hire a meteorologist? To predict when they’ll make it to the playoffs!
8. What do you get if you cross a Chicago Bears fan and a pig? A fan who yells, “Soooie!” after every play!
9. Why did the Chicago Bears quarterback bring a ladder onto the field? Because he heard the competition was stepping up!
10. What’s the difference between a Chicago Bears fan and a carpenter? A carpenter can fix what’s broken!
11. Why don’t the Chicago Bears drink tea? Because the Cowboys and Packers have all the cups!
12. What did the Chicago Bears fan say after their team won a game? “I must be dreaming!”
13. How many Chicago Bears players does it take to change a light bulb? None. They’re used to living in Green Bay’s shadow!
14. What do you call a Chicago Bears player with a championship ring? A collector’s item!
15. Why did the Chicago Bears bring a ladder to the game? Because they wanted to climb up in the rankings!
16. What’s the difference between a Chicago Bears player and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill!
17. Why did the Chicago Bears player bring a rope to the game? Because he wanted to be a “Bear-hugger”!
18. What do you call a Chicago Bears player who just won the lottery? A lucky bear!
19. Why did the Chicago Bears receiver bring a map to the game? Because he kept getting lost in the end zone!
20. How do the Chicago Bears count to ten? 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4…
21. What do the Chicago Bears and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
22. Why did the Chicago Bears fan bring a ladder to the game? Because they heard the view was better from the bottom of the standings!
23. What’s the difference between the Chicago Bears and a dollar bill? You can get four quarters out of a dollar!
24. Why did the Chicago Bears player go to art school? Because he wanted to learn how to draw a pass interference!
25. What do you call a Chicago Bears player with no championship rings? You don’t call him, you wait for him to call you!
26. Why did the Chicago Bears coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback some “change”!
27. How do the Chicago Bears enter a building? They use the “Bear” code!
28. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Chicago Bear!
29. Why did the Chicago Bears receiver bring a ladder to the game? Because he heard the competition was getting a “leg up”!
30. How did the Chicago Bears fan die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him!
31. What’s the difference between a Chicago Bears player and a cheerleader? The cheerleader gets paid to show some spirit!
32. Why do Chicago Bears players make terrible magicians? Because every time they get near a Super Bowl, they disappear!
33. What did the Chicago Bears fan say to the Packers fan? “Would you like fries with that Super Bowl trophy?”
34. Why did the Chicago Bears bring a ladder to the game? They wanted to climb to the top of the NFC North!
35. What do you call a Chicago Bears player with a championship ring? Retired!
36. Why don’t Chicago Bears players use cell phones? Because they can’t find a receiver!
37. What do you call a Chicago Bears player who scores a touchdown? A miracle!
38. Why did the Chicago Bears player bring a pencil to the game? Because he wanted to draw a pass interference!
39. What’s the difference between the Chicago Bears and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill!
40. Why don’t Chicago Bears players eat cereal? They choke whenever they get near a bowl!
41. Why did the Chicago Bears player bring a ladder to the game? To reach the playoffs!
42. How do you keep a Chicago Bears player out of your yard? Put up goalposts!
43. Why don’t Chicago Bears players eat pretzels? They can’t make it past the “twist”!
44. What do you call a Chicago Bears player with a Super Bowl ring? Retired!
45. Why did the Chicago Bears hire an artist? To paint their end zone!
46. How many Chicago Bears fans does it take to change a light bulb? None. They’re used to living in Green Bay’s shadow!
47. What’s the difference between a Chicago Bears player and a dollar bill? You can get four quarters out of a dollar!
48. Why did the Chicago Bears bring a ladder to the game? To climb out of the cellar!
49. What do you call a Chicago Bears player who just won the lottery? Lucky!
50. Why did the Chicago Bears player bring a map to the game? Because he kept getting lost in the end zone!
51. Why did the Chicago Bears player bring a compass to the game? To help him find his way to the end zone!
52. What do you call it when a Chicago Bears player wins a game? A rare occurrence!
53. Why did the Chicago Bears player refuse to wear stripes? He didn’t want to be mistaken for a referee!
54. What’s the difference between a Chicago Bears player and a battery? A battery has a positive side!
55. Why did the Chicago Bears player bring a shovel to the game? To dig themselves out of a losing streak!
56. How do you confuse a Chicago Bears player? Put him in front of a mirror and ask him to identify a winner!
57. Why did the Chicago Bears player start a gardening club? He wanted to learn how to cultivate some touchdowns!
58. What do you call a Chicago Bears player who tries to tackle but misses? A whiff of fresh air!
59. Why did the Chicago Bears player become a chef? He heard there were a lot of turnovers in the kitchen!
60. How do you stop a Chicago Bears player from scoring a touchdown? Put a Bears jersey on him!
61. Why did the Chicago Bears player bring a parachute to the game? Because he wanted to bail out if things went wrong!
62. What do you call a Chicago Bears player who can catch a football? An endangered species!
63. Why don’t the Chicago Bears players go on vacations? They can’t find any end zones to relax in!
64. How do you get a Chicago Bears player off your porch? Pay for the pizza!
65. What do you call a Chicago Bears player with a big ego? An overbearing Bear!
66. Why did the Chicago Bears player bring a helmet to the bakery? To protect his turnovers!
67. What’s the difference between the Chicago Bears and a piñata? You don’t need a blindfold to hit the Bears!
68. How do you make a Chicago Bears fan stop biting their nails? Give them a championship!
69. Why did the Chicago Bears player bring a ladder to the game? He wanted to climb the ladder of success!
70. What do you call a Chicago Bears player who wins the lottery? Unbelievable!
71. Why did the Chicago Bears player start a band? He wanted to be known for making some “Bear-y” good music!
72. How do you get a Chicago Bears player to smile? Tell him a joke about the Packers!
73. What’s the difference between the Chicago Bears and a clock? The clock actually knows how to keep time!
74. Why did the Chicago Bears player bring a broom to the game? He wanted to sweep the competition!
75. What’s the most popular saying among Chicago Bears players? “Wait ’til next year!”
