Hey there, fellow New England Patriots fanatic! Are you ready for a good laugh? Want to show off your witty sense of humor to your friends when it comes to talking about our favorite team? Well then, my friend, you’ve come to the right place.
I have curated a list of 75 jokes that will not only tickle your funny bone but also feed your passion for the team. These humorous quips are guaranteed to score major points with any fan.
List of New England Patriots Jokes
1. Why did the New England Patriots bring a ladder to the game? Because they heard the competition was “going up”!
2. What do you call a New England Patriots fan with half a brain? Gifted!
3. Why did the New England Patriots start a gardening club? Because they wanted to tackle the “turf”!
4. What do the New England Patriots and possums have in common? They both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
5. Why did the New England Patriots install a new clock at their stadium? Because they needed a reminder of when the fourth quarter starts!
6. What do you call a New England Patriots player who can catch the ball? A collector’s item!
7. Why did the New England Patriots hire a chef? Because they wanted to improve their “passing” game!
8. Why did the New England Patriots start a gardening club? Because they needed some “yards” to cultivate!
9. Why did the New England Patriots hire a tailor? Because they needed help with their “deflated” egos!
10. What did the New England Patriots fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? “Mom, I’m done with my homework!”
11. Why don’t the New England Patriots drink tea? Because the Bengals and Browns have all the cups!
12. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a trampoline? You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline!
13. Why did the New England Patriots hire an archaeologist? Because they wanted to dig up some wins!
14. How many New England Patriots fans does it take to change a light bulb? None, they’re all waiting for Brady to do it!
15. Why did the New England Patriots go to the bank? To get their quarterback a better “passing account”!
16. What’s the New England Patriots’ favorite type of music? Fumble!
17. Why don’t the New England Patriots use bookmarks? Because they can never find the end zone!
18. What do you call a New England Patriots player with a Super Bowl ring? A thief!
19. Why did the New England Patriots take their team photo in front of a tree? Because they wanted to show they have some “branches” of success!
20. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a pinball machine? A pinball machine scores more points!
21. Why did the New England Patriots go to the comedy club? To work on their “punchlines”!
22. How do you stop a New England Patriots fan from beating his wife? Dress her in a Bengals or Browns jersey!
23. Why did the New England Patriots go to the library? To find a book on “winning strategies”!
24. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a bucket of manure? The bucket!
25. Why don’t the New England Patriots eat M&M’s? They’re afraid they’ll keep dropping them!
26. What do the New England Patriots and a pack of cigarettes have in common? Both can make you sick and leave you gasping for air!
27. Why did the New England Patriots hire a math tutor? To figure out how to add more points to the scoreboard!
28. What do you call a New England Patriots fan with a championship ring? Lost!
29. Why did the New England Patriots install a mirror on their sideline? So they could see what a winning team looks like!
30. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking!
31. Why did the New England Patriots take up gardening? Because they couldn’t plant themselves in the end zone!
32. What do you call a New England Patriots player who wins a Super Bowl? Retired!
33. Why did the New England Patriots start a band? Because they wanted to march into the playoffs!
34. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a beer bottle? A beer bottle is only empty once!
35. Why did the New England Patriots go to the circus? To learn how to “juggle” their losses!
36. What do the New England Patriots and a dog have in common? They both can’t hold on to a lead!
37. Why did the New England Patriots hire an accountant? To keep track of all their “deflategate” fines!
38. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a coffee cup? A coffee cup can still get a “win”!
39. Why did the New England Patriots start a construction company? Because they wanted to build a better defense!
40. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a pencil? A pencil has a point!
41. Why did the New England Patriots go to the art museum? To find some “brushes” with greatness!
42. How do you confuse a New England Patriots fan? Ask them to spell “dynasty”!
43. Why did the New England Patriots start a dance troupe? Because they were tired of “fumbling” around!
44. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a shopping cart? A shopping cart has a mind of its own!
45. Why did the New England Patriots hire a hairdresser? To try and make their season less “upsetting”!
46. What do you call a New England Patriots player who wins the Super Bowl MVP? Tom Brady!
47. Why did the New England Patriots go to the gym? To work on their “tight ends”!
48. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar!
49. Why did the New England Patriots hire a meteorologist? To help them with their “hail Marys”!
50. What do you call a New England Patriots fan who doesn’t have a girlfriend? Homeless!
51. Why did the New England Patriots start a gardening club? Because they needed help with their “deflated” yard!
52. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a bowling ball? A bowling ball can knock down all the pins!
53. Why did the New England Patriots go to the bank? To withdraw some “touchdowns”!
54. What do you call a New England Patriots player with a Super Bowl ring? Lost and found!
55. Why did the New England Patriots go to the doctor? To get a “defense” shot!
56. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding, scum-sucking creature, and the other is a fish!
57. Why did the New England Patriots go to the zoo? To learn how to “tackle”!
58. What do you call a New England Patriots player who misses a catch? Incomplete!
59. Why did the New England Patriots start a gardening club? Because they wanted to grow their “winning” streak!
60. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a pumpkin? The pumpkin is still relevant in November!
61. Why did the New England Patriots go to the dentist? To fix their “gap” in the defense!
62. What do you call a New England Patriots player who can’t hold onto the ball? Fumble-o-saurus Rex!
63. Why did the New England Patriots start a movie theater? Because they wanted to watch their “comeback” stories!
64. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn’t choke in the playoffs!
65. Why did the New England Patriots go to the circus? To see the “ring leaders”!
66. What do you call a New England Patriots player who is good at catching fish? A “line”backer!
67. Why did the New England Patriots go to the barber? To get a “trimming” on their losing record!
68. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a car with a flat tire? The car can still make it to the end zone!
69. Why did the New England Patriots go to the playground? To practice their “slide” tackles!
70. What do you call a New England Patriots player who wins the lottery? Lucky!
71. Why did the New England Patriots start a fashion line? Because they wanted to “sack” the runway!
72. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and a calculator? A calculator can count to 10!
73. Why did the New England Patriots go to the beach? To practice their “sand” tackles!
74. What do you call a New England Patriots player who can throw a football over a mountain? A liar!
75. Why did the New England Patriots go to the zoo? To find some “un-BEAR-able” opponents!
