Are you in need of a good laugh to break the ice at your next gathering? Well, I’ve got you covered! My extensive research into the world of “walking into a bar” jokes has yielded some truly hilarious results. These ten one-liners are sure to have everyone chuckling and feeling more connected – even if only for that brief moment in time. So let’s dive right in and check out my top picks for the funniest walking-into-a-bar jokes around!
List of Jokes About Walking Into a Bar
1. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer and a mop.” Because he’s going to spill it right through!
2. A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Why the long face?” The horse replies, “I just realized I’m a talking horse.”
3. A duck walks into a bar and says, “Put it on my bill.” The bartender replies, “You quack me up!”
4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says, “A beer for me, and one for the road.” The bartender chuckles and pours the drinks.
5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.” The sandwich replies, “That’s okay, I brought my own mayo.”
6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He quickly realizes he’s in the wrong place.
7. A time traveler walks into a bar. He already knew the punchline.
8. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.” The bartender serves him a V.
9. A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”
10. A bear walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer… and some peanuts.” The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?” The bear replies, “I don’t know, I was born with them.”
11. An invisible man walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, I can’t see you serving you.”
12. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.” The neutron says, “That’s positive news!”
13. A snake slithers into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” The snake replies, “That’s okay, I’ll just have a hiss-key.”
14. A scarecrow walks into a bar. The bartender says, “You look like you could use a drink.” The scarecrow replies, “I’m outstanding in my field, but hay, it’s in my jeans.”
15. A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The goldfish says, “Water.”
16. A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named Steve?”
17. A penguin waddles into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The penguin says, “Just ice, please.”
18. A mime walks into a bar. He orders a drink with an invisible glass.
19. A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?” The bartender replies, “No, it’s made of solid oak.”
20. A cow walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” The cow replies, “That’s okay, I’ll just have a mooo-dy blues.”
21. A vampire walks into a bar and orders a hot water. The bartender asks, “Why hot water?” The vampire pulls out a used tea bag and says, “I’m making tea.”
22. A snowman walks into a bar and orders a hot chocolate. The bartender says, “Aren’t you worried about melting?” The snowman replies, “No, I’m cool.”
23. A dog walks into a bar and says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.” The bartender says, “I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
24. A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve strings here.” The string ties itself into a knot and says, “I’m a frayed knot.”
25. An octopus walks into a bar and orders eight beers. The bartender says, “That’ll be one for each arm.” The octopus replies, “Thanks, I was feeling a bit tentacly.”
26. A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Do you want a long neck?” The giraffe replies, “Do I have a choice?”
27. A man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm. He says, “Two beers, please—one for me and one for the road.” The bartender serves him two cold ones.
28. A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you?” The cat replies, “A shot of meow-nshine.”
29. A kangaroo hops into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve kangaroos here.” The kangaroo replies, “That’s okay, I’ll just have a hoppy beer.”
30. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says, “Pint please, and one for the road.” The bartender pours the drinks.
31. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer and a mop.” The bartender says, “You look like you could use some meat on your bones.”
32. A ghost walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits.” The ghost replies, “Boo hoo!”
33. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, “Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?” The pirate replies, “Arrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
34. A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve poultry.” The chicken replies, “That’s okay, I just wanted a bawk-soda.”
35. A man walks into a bar and says, “Ouch!” It was a metal bar.
36. A zebra walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” The zebra replies, “You have a drink named George?”
37. A seal walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you?” The seal replies, “Anything but a Canadian Club.”
38. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says, “A beer for me, and one for the road.” The bartender serves him two cold ones.
39. A snail walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve snails here.” The snail replies, “Well, that’s just sluggish service.”
40. A magician walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks, “Do you want to see a trick?” The magician replies, “No, I’m here to escape.”
41. A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender asks, “What’s his name?” The man replies, “Tiny, because he’s my newt.”
42. A Roman centurion walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. He says, “Five beers, please.” The bartender serves him V beers.
43. A T-Rex walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you?” The T-Rex replies, “A beer and a straw, please.”
44. A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. He says, “A pint of beer for me and the sandwich.” The bartender replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
45. A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter-flavored chips. The bartender says, “Sorry, we only have plain.” The man replies, “That’s proposterous!”
46. A limbo dancer walks into a bar. He’s disqualified.
47. A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny man who starts playing the piano. The bartender asks, “Where did you get that?” The man replies, “I have a magic lamp that grants wishes, but it’s a bit hard of hearing.”
48. An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Is this some kind of joke?” The Englishman replies, “No, it’s just a friendly drink.”
49. A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get drunk, and the giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave, and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The man replies, “That’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”
50. A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, “Cheese Sandwich: $2.50. Chicken Sandwich: $3.50. Handjob: $10.00.” He asks the bartender, “Are you the one who gives the handjobs?” The bartender replies, “Yes, I am.” The man says, “Well, wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich.”
51. A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables. The bartender says, “You can come in, but don’t start anything.” The guy replies, “I’m just here to recharge.”
52. A guy walks into a bar and sees three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender, “What’s up with the meat?” The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the night. If you miss, you have to buy everyone a drink.” The guy says, “No thanks, the steaks are too high.”
53. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says, “A beer for me, and one for the road.” The bartender serves him two cold ones.
54. A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I bet you $100 that I can bite my own eye.” The bartender agrees to the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. The bartender is annoyed but pays up. The man then says, “I bet you another $100 that I can bite my other eye.” The bartender agrees, thinking the man can’t possibly
