Looking for a good chuckle? Nothing brings people together quite like a good ol’ joke. And when it comes to Texas-themed jokes, they’re bound to tickle your funny bone! These 75 hilarious quips are sure to have you shouting “Yeehaw!” in no time.
We’ll be covering everything from classic cowboy humor to poking fun at different cities within this great state. So sit back and relax – maybe even pull on your boots and throw on that hat if you’re feeling fancy – because we’re about to dive into some knee-slapping laughs that’ll leave you grinning ear-to-ear!
List of Jokes About Texas
1. Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? Because he wanted to get a long little doggie!
2. What did one Texas flag say to the other? Nothing, flags can’t talk!
3. Why don’t they have ice cubes in Texas? Because the cowboys keep shooting at the ice trays!
4. How do you find a Texan in a snowstorm? You look for the guy wearing a “Texas-sized” coat!
5. What’s the best day to go to a rodeo in Texas? Sunday, because it’s a “hoe-down”!
6. How does a Texan count to ten? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, y’all!
7. Why don’t they play hide and seek in Texas? Because nobody can stay hidden with all those big hats!
8. What do you call a Texan who owns two cows? Ranch dressing!
9. Why did the cowboy ride his horse to school? Because the car was stuck in traffic!
10. How do you know someone’s from Texas? They’ll tell you!
11. What’s the favorite type of math in Texas? Y’all-gebra!
12. Why did the scarecrow win an award in Texas? Because he was outstanding in his field!
13. What do you call a Texan who can play the guitar? A Lone Star strummer!
14. Why did the cowboy go to the zoo? To find a “steak”!
15. What do you call a Texan with a sheep under each arm? A pimp!
16. Why did the cowboy take a nap in the pasture? Because he wanted to “siesta”!
17. How do you spot a modern-day Texas cowboy? He’s the one riding a Segway!
18. Why don’t Texas witches ride their brooms? They have “stick-shift”!
19. What’s the best thing about living in Texas? You don’t have to live in Oklahoma!
20. How do you know if a Texan has been using your computer? All the keyboard shortcuts have been replaced with “y’all”!
21. Why did the Texan cross the road? To get to the “bigger and better” side!
22. How do you make a Texan float? You take one Texan and fill him with root beer!
23. What’s a Texan’s favorite type of music? Cow-pella!
24. Why did the cowboy buy a wiener dog? Because he wanted to get a long little doggie!
25. How does a cowboy keep his hat from blowing away? With a “Stampede” string!
26. What did one Texas tornado say to the other? “Let’s twist again, like we did last summer!”
27. Why don’t they have elevators in Texas? Because cowboys hate going up in the world!
28. What do you call a Texas bull that’s asleep? A bulldozer!
29. Why did the cowboy become a musician? Because he wanted to “strum” up some fun!
30. How do you know it’s summer in Texas? The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground!
31. What do you call a Texan who’s missing a shovel? A-hole!
32. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, just like a Texan!
33. How do you double the value of a pickup truck in Texas? Fill it up with gas!
34. What did the cowboy say when he got a flat tire in Texas? “Yee-haw, I’m gonna hitch a ride on a tumbleweed!”
35. Why don’t they have fireworks at Texas football games? Because the cheerleaders have pom-pom grenades!
36. What do you call a Texan with a sheep tied to each leg? A pimp!
37. How does a Texan find his wife in a crowded mall? He announces, “Y’all meet me at the food court!”
38. Why did the cowboy get a hot tub in his pickup truck? Because he wanted to ride around in style!
39. What’s a Texan’s favorite type of cookie? A “Rodeo” cookie!
40. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician in Texas? Because he was outstanding in his field of lies!
41. How do you know if a Texan has been using your computer? All your files are replaced with barbecue recipes!
42. What do you call a Texan with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other? Bi-lingual!
43. Why don’t they have roller coasters in Texas? Because cowboys hate longhorns!
44. What do you call a Texan who’s also a computer expert? A hacker-tacker!
45. How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday and leave two days later on Friday? His horse’s name is Friday!
46. Why did the cowboy take his dog to the bar? Because he wanted to “unleash” some fun!
47. What’s a Texan’s favorite type of pizza? “Y’all” meat supreme!
48. How do you get a cowboy to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes!
49. Why don’t Texas cowboys like dancing? Because they’re afraid of the “boot-scootin’ boogie”!
50. What did the Texan say when he saw his stolen truck flying in the air? “Look, ma, no wheels!”
51. How do you know if someone’s from Texas? They’ll tell you, but you’ll still probably have to ask them again!
52. Why do cowboys make great mathematicians? Because they know how to “round up” the numbers!
53. What did the cowboy say when he got a flat tire in Texas? “I guess I’m gonna have to giddy up and walk!”
54. How do Texans eat their sushi? With a “yee-raw”!
55. Why did the scarecrow win an award in Texas? Because he was “corny”!
56. What’s a Texan’s favorite type of movie? A Western, y’all!
57. How did the cowboy ride into town and leave two days later on the same horse? It was a two-day rodeo!
58. What do you call a Texan with a pig under one arm and a chicken under the other? A barbecue!
59. Why don’t they have the internet in Texas? Because you can’t put “cow” in a URL!
60. How do you know if a Texan is an introvert? They’ll stare at your shoes instead of their own!
61. What did the cowboy say when he found out he had to get a vaccination shot? “Yee-haw, I’m gonna need a bigger needle for this rodeo!”
62. Why don’t Texas cowboys water ski? Because they can’t find a lake with a hill!
63. What’s a Texan’s favorite type of dessert? Tumbleweed pie!
64. How do you find a Texan in a casino? Look for the person holding a horseshoe!
65. Why did the cowboy buy a brown cow? Because he wanted chocolate milk!
66. What’s a Texan’s favorite type of soup? Chili con yee-haw!
67. How do you know if a Texan has been using your telephone? The speed dial has been replaced with the number for the nearest BBQ joint!
68. Why don’t Texas cowboys ever get lost? Because they always know which way is yonder!
69. What do you call a Texan with a sheep tied to each arm and a goat tied to each leg? A rancher’s dream come true!
70. How do you make a Texan’s day? Hand them a pair of boots and tell them to “moo-ve” on!
71. What did the Texas tornado say to the trailer park? “I’ll be back to pick you up later!”
72. Why don’t they have karaoke in Texas? Because nobody can carry a tune in a ten-gallon hat!
73. How do you know if a Texan is at a party? Don’t worry, they’ll make sure you know!
74. Why did the cowboy adopt a pet snake in Texas? Because he wanted a “rattler” to ride shotgun!
75. What’s a Texan’s favorite type of insect? A “y’all-gator”!
