Chuck Norris Jokes: 55 Of The Funniest One-Liners You’ll Ever Hear!

Hey there, are you ready to have a good laugh? Do you love watching Chuck Norris kick some serious butt in Walker, Texas Ranger? Well buckle up because I am here to give you the best Chuck Norris jokes that will have your sides splitting with laughter.

As an avid fan of this legendary martial artist and all-around awesome guy, I’ve put together a collection of the funniest jokes about him. We’ll dive into some of his most iconic movie scenes like Lone Wolf McQuade and Missing in Action. Plus, we can’t forget about those classic one-liners that always get us chuckling.

Whether you’re a budding martial arts master or just someone who appreciates a good joke, this article is for you! Along with providing plenty of laughs, I’ll also break down what makes these jokes so effective. So come along for the ride as we explore all things Chuck Norris and get ready to laugh until your stomach hurts!

List of Jokes About Chuck Norris


jokes about chuck norris


1. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Don’t try this at home, kids.
2. Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups, he pushes the earth down. That’s one way to get your daily workout.
3. Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice. He’s just that good at math.
4. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is. Time waits for no man, but it will wait for Chuck.
5. Chuck Norris once won a staring contest against a brick wall. The wall blinked first.
6. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. That’s just efficiency.
7. Chuck Norris doesn’t do sit-ups. He sits and the universe revolves around him. Gravity is just a suggestion to Chuck.
8. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg. He’s just that talented.
9. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin. He doesn’t recycle, he just makes everything disappear.
10. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone. That’s some serious skill.
11. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. He’s not a fan of modern architecture.
12. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. Don’t try this at home either.
13. Chuck Norris once ate an entire cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside. He just wanted the cake, okay?
14. Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck’s gas tank as a joke…that truck is now known as Optimus Prime. True story.
15. Chuck Norris can speak braille. He’s just that versatile.

jokes about chuck norris


16. Chuck Norris once walked into a bar. The bar said, “ouch.” Don’t mess with Chuck.
17. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. He’s just that good.
18. Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends. He doesn’t mess around.
19. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a condom, because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. Use protection, kids.
20. Chuck Norris can bake a cake that is so moist, it is impossible to eat it without smiling. That’s some serious baking skills.
21. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light. Science, b*tch.
22. Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute failed to open. So he took it back the next day for a refund. He doesn’t need a parachute, he just jumps.
23. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with eleven birds. That’s just overkill.
24. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the sh*t out of it. That’s just unnecessary.
25. Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people…then the grenade exploded. He’s just that good.
26. Chuck Norris can win a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun. He’s just that lucky.
27. Chuck Norris can divide by chicken. That’s just ridiculous.
28. Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattlesnake. After three days of pain and agony, the rattlesnake died. Don’t mess with Chuck.
29. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. He’s just that cool.
30. Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted. He’s just that refreshing.

jokes about chuck norris


31. Chuck Norris can hear sign language. He’s just that perceptive.
32. Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes togetherHe’s just that hot.
33. Chuck Norris can make onions cry. He’s just that intimidating.
34. Chuck Norris doesn’t need a GPS. He decides where he is. He’s just that certain.
35. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand. He’s just that talented.
36. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. He’s just that balanced.
37. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on; he turns the dark off. He’s just that bright.
38. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet. He’s just that flexible.
39. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano. He’s just that musical.
40. Chuck Norris can make a Happy Meal cry. He’s just that serious.
41. Chuck Norris can drown a fish. He’s just that powerful.
42. Chuck Norris can play basketball with a baseball bat. He’s just that athletic.
43. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he’s not lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down. He’s just that strong.
44. Chuck Norris can find the end of a circle. He’s just that precise.
45. Chuck Norris can delete the internet. He’s just that tech-savvy.

jokes about chuck norris


46. Chuck Norris can make a rock-paper-scissors game end in a tie. He’s just that fair.
47. Chuck Norris can watch 60 Minutes in 30 minutes. He’s just that efficient.
48. Chuck Norris can make a snowball fight happen in the desert. He’s just that cool.
49. Chuck Norris can make his own reflection blink. He’s just that surprising.
50. Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat it too. He’s just that hungry.
51. Chuck Norris can hit a grand slam with no one on base. He’s just that skilled.
52. Chuck Norris can answer a missed call. He’s just that connected.
53. Chuck Norris can put out a fire with gasoline. He’s just that daring.
54. Chuck Norris can make a snow angel in the summer. He’s just that heavenly.
55. Chuck Norris can write a book about everything he doesn’t know. It’s a very short book.


Alex Haywood, Founder of Discover Jokes
About the author

I know how stressful life can be, and sometimes we just need to take a break and enjoy a moment of humor. That’s why I’ve dedicated myself to finding the best jokes, memes, and videos on the internet and bringing them to you all in one place.

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