Hey there, fellow baseball enthusiasts! If you’re a fan of the Chicago Cubs or just love a good laugh, then listen up. As an avid follower of the Cubs for years, I’ve got something special in store for you. Get ready to chuckle your way through our list of the top 75 Chicago Cubs jokes!
Whether you want to share these jokes with your buddies or keep them all to yourself, they’re guaranteed to be home runs. So grab your favorite lucky charm, get comfy on your couch (or seat at Wrigley Field), and prepare to laugh until it hurts!
List of Chicago Cubs Jokes
1. Why did the Chicago Cubs bring a ladder to the game? Because they heard the Mets were pitching “high”!
2. What do you call a Cubs fan with a championship ring? Lost!
3. Why did the Cubs sign a famous mathematician? They thought he could calculate a winning season!
4. What do you call a Cubs player who can run the bases in under 10 seconds? A rumor!
5. Why did the Cubs switch to artificial turf? So they could have an even playing field for losing!
6. What do you call a Cubs player who hits a home run? Surprised!
7. How do you keep a Cubs fan from drowning? Take your foot off their head!
8. What do you get when you cross a Cubs fan and a library? Someone who never experiences a quiet World Series!
9. Why did the Cubs build a new stadium? So they could pretend they’re in the playoffs!
10. How many Cubs fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’re all waiting for next year!
11. Why do Cubs fans make terrible detectives? They can never find the pennant!
12. What’s the difference between the Cubs and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking!
13. How do Cubs players stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans!
14. Why don’t the Cubs drink tea? The Dodgers and the Red Sox have all the cups!
15. What’s the difference between the Cubs and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill!
16. Why did the Cubs hire a florist? They needed help arranging the “wild” cards!
17. What’s the Cubs’ favorite type of music? Blues!
18. Why did the Cubs go to the bank? To get a pitcher!
19. How do you make a Cubs fan stop smoking? Throw away their matches!
20. What do you call a Cubs player with a World Series ring? A retired player!
21. Why did the Cubs change their team name to the “Spiders”? Because they’re always getting caught in a web!
22. How do Cubs players stay warm during a game? They stand close to the hot dogs!
23. What do you call a Cubs fan with half a brain? Gifted!
24. Why did the Cubs skip church on Sundays? They can’t make it to the playoffs, so why bother?
25. What’s the Cubs’ favorite kind of pizza? Deep dish, with a side of disappointment!
26. Why did the Cubs outfielder bring a ladder to the game? He heard the bleachers had a better view!
27. What’s the difference between the Cubs and a bunch of circus clowns? Circus clowns know how to win!
28. Why did the Cubs bring sandpaper to the game? To help with their sliding!
29. How do you keep a Cubs player from stealing a base? Hide their glove!
30. What’s the Cubs’ favorite subject in school? History, because they’re always living in the past!
31. Why did the Cubs install a swimming pool at the stadium? So they could have a place to practice their diving!
32. What do you call a Cubs fan with a Super Bowl ring? Lost again!
33. Why did the Cubs get rid of their team bus? They found out it had a reverse gear!
34. How many Cubs fans does it take to change a tire? Three – one to change the tire, and two to talk about how good the old tire was!
35. What’s the Cubs’ favorite board game? Sorry!
36. Why did the Cubs hire a chef? They thought he could “cook” up some wins!
37. How do you get a Cubs player off your doorstep? Pay them for the pizza!
38. What do you call a Cubs fan with a sheep on their head? Lost their mind!
39. Why did the Cubs sign a circus performer? They needed someone who could juggle all their losses!
40. What’s the Cubs’ favorite type of cookie? Crackerjacks!
41. Why did the Cubs hire a gardener? They needed help growing a winning team!
42. How do you keep a Cubs player from stealing second base? Hide second base!
43. What’s the Cubs’ favorite type of movie? A never-ending story!
44. Why did the Cubs hire an artist? They thought they could “draw” more fans!
45. How do you make a Cubs fan stop biting their nails? Make them wear mittens!
46. What do you call a Cubs player who can hit a home run? Traded!
47. Why did the Cubs sign a fisherman? They thought he could catch a winning season!
48. What’s the difference between the Cubs and a broken clock? A broken clock is right twice a day!
49. Why did the Cubs hire an architect? They needed help building a winning team!
50. How do you get a Cubs player to laugh at a joke? Pay them!
51. What’s the Cubs’ favorite kind of music? Country, because it’s all about heartbreak!
52. Why did the Cubs sign a chef? They needed someone who could cook up a winning recipe!
53. What do you call a Cubs player who can hit a curveball? A miracle!
54. Why did the Cubs change their team colors to black and blue? They’re always beaten up!
55. How do you keep a Cubs fan from cheering? Put them in a playoff game!
56. What’s the Cubs’ favorite type of ice cream? Rocky road!
57. Why did the Cubs hire a magician? They wanted someone who could make their losing streak disappear!
58. How many Cubs fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they’re too busy booing!
59. What do you call a Cubs player with a batting average above .200? A legend!
60. Why did the Cubs change their team name to the “Dodos”? Because they’re always extinct in the playoffs!
61. How do you make a Cubs fan’s day? Cancel the game!
62. What’s the Cubs’ favorite type of sandwich? A “subpar” sandwich!
63. Why did the Cubs hire a meteorologist? They wanted someone who could predict a winning season!
64. How do you keep a Cubs player from stealing third base? Put a pizza there!
65. What do you call a Cubs fan who can count to ten? A genius!
66. Why did the Cubs sign a locksmith? They thought he could “unlock” a championship!
67. What’s the Cubs’ favorite type of car? A “drive” through the playoffs!
68. Why did the Cubs hire a motivational speaker? They needed someone to inspire them to lose!
69. How many Cubs fans does it take to paint a wall? None, they’d rather watch it dry!
70. What do you call a Cubs player with a World Series MVP trophy? Imaginary!
71. Why did the Cubs install a revolving door at the stadium? So the players could keep coming back year after year!
72. What’s the Cubs’ favorite type of cereal? Choke-o Puffs!
73. Why did the Cubs sign a comedian? They needed someone who could laugh at their losses!
74. How do you keep a Cubs player from stealing home? Hide home plate!
75. What do you call a Cubs fan who has never seen a winning season? An eternal optimist!
