Time, the elusive concept that rules our lives – never pausing even for a moment. But fear not, my friend! I have gathered an array of timeless jokes that will keep you chuckling long after the clock strikes twelve.
As a dedicated collector of jokes (yes, it’s a thing), I have curated some of the funniest witticisms related to time that are sure to tickle your funny bone. From clever one-liners on daylight savings time to punny quips about procrastination – we’ve got them all here.
So whether you’re taking a quick break or have oodles of free time at hand, join me on this hilarious journey through the world of time-centric humor. Sit back and relax as we explore these timeless jokes together!
List of Jokes About Time
1. Why did the scarecrow become a watchmaker? Because he was outstanding in his field… of timekeeping!
2. Did you hear about the mathematical time traveler? He could divide the past, multiply the present, and subtract the future!
3. How do you organize a space-themed party? You planet in advance!
4. Why did the clock go to the psychologist? It had a lot of ticks and tocks!
5. What do you call a snobby criminal going through time? A condescending con descending!
6. I got a job at a bakery, but they fired me because I couldn’t make enough dough in time.
7. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
8. How do you find out how heavy a time traveler is? You just check their “wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey” scale!
9. I asked the librarian if they had any books on time travel. They replied, “Sorry, they haven’t been returned yet!”
10. What’s a time traveler’s favorite dance move? The “Wormhole”!
11. Why did the computer go back in time? To fix a bug in the program’s history!
12. What did the hour hand say to the minute hand? “I’ll always be a little ahead of you.”
13. How does the ocean say goodbye to the shore? “Long tide, no sea!”
14. Why did the calendar go to therapy? It had too many dates!
15. What do you call a time traveler who’s always late? Punctuality-challenged!
16. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
17. Why did the scientist invent a time machine that only goes forward in time? He didn’t want anyone meddling with his breakfast!
18. Why did the watch get arrested? It had too many hands!
19. What do you call a snobbish watch? A stopwatch!
20. How do you make time fly? Throw a clock out of the window!
21. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
22. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
23. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
24. What do you call a group of musical clocks? A tick-tock orchestra!
25. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
26. Why did the tomato turn yellow? Because it saw the banana split!
27. What do you call a watch that doesn’t like to work? A TikTok procrastinator!
28. How do you organize a party for a bunch of time travelers? You plan it last year!
29. Why did the clock go to the principal’s office? It was ticking off the other clocks!
30. What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch? Time to get a new watch!
31. How do you fix a broken calendar? You take it to the date doctor!
32. What’s a time traveler’s favorite part of a joke? The punchline… years later!
33. Why did the watch go to the therapist? It had too many seconds to spare!
34. Why did the baker become a clockmaker? Because he kneaded more time!
35. What do you call a clock that’s always running away? A watch dog!
36. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station!
37. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field of thyme!
38. How do you get a time traveler angry? Give them a present… last week!
39. What do you call a dinosaur that’s always late? A Tardisaur!
40. Why did the math teacher go back in time? To teach the dinosaurs how to count!
41. How do you get a watch to laugh? You tickle its hands!
42. What’s a vampire’s favorite time of day? Bite time!
43. Why did the clock go to the principal’s office? It was ticked off!
44. What’s a time traveler’s favorite type of music? A blast from the past!
45. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
46. What did one clock say to the other clock that was running late? “Don’t worry, we all go through tough times!”
47. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
48. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints!
49. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
50. What did one clock say to the other clock at the gym? “I’m ticking, but I’m not tocking!”
51. How do you make a time traveler uncomfortable? Give them a clock with no hands!
52. What did the big clock say to the small clock? “You’re ticking me off!”
53. Why did the clock get kicked out of the band? It couldn’t keep time!
54. What do you call a sleepy clock? Alarm-clock-ic!
55. How does a tree get on the internet? It logs in!
56. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets!
57. What do you call a watch that’s always moving backward? A counter-clockwise!
58. Why did the girl bring a ladder to the bar? She heard the drinks were going to be high-proof!
59. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank his coffee before it was cool!
60. What’s a time traveler’s favorite kind of music? The “good old days”!
61. Why did the watch go to the beach? It wanted to catch some time waves!
62. What do you call a watch with no hands? Pointless!
63. Why did the man put his money in the oven? He wanted to have some hot dough!
64. How do you know if a clock is hungry? It goes back four seconds!
65. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
66. How do you organize a party in space? You just planet!
67. What’s a clock’s favorite instrument? A timpani!
68. Why did the clock go to the dance party? It wanted to do the moonwalk!
69. What do you call a watch that’s always lying? A fib-tick-tocator!
70. Why did the music teacher go back in time? To teach Beethoven a new tune!
71. How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it!
72. What’s a time traveler’s favorite book genre? Historical fiction!
73. Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems to solve!
74. How do you make a time traveler smile? You give them a little extra time!
75. Why did the watch go to therapy? It had too many ticks and needed to work on its tocks!
- Jokes About Toilets
- Moon Jokes
- Tomato Humor
