Hey there, ladies! Are you feeling a bit fed up with your hubby’s shenanigans? As someone who loves to make people chuckle, I know all too well the struggles that come with being married to a man.
Between their incessant snoring and their obsession with leaving the toilet seat up, husbands can be quite the handful at times! But don’t worry, my friend – you’re not alone in this hilarious journey we call marriage.
In fact, I’ve put together a list of 75 knee-slapping jokes about husbands that every wife out there can totally relate to. Whether you need a good laugh or just want to commiserate with your fellow spouses, this article is guaranteed to hit home.
So sit back and get ready for some belly laughs as we delve into these witty quips about our lovable (yet sometimes frustrating) significant others!
List of Jokes about Husbands
1. Why do husbands need to be circumcised? Because a complete dick deserves a better-looking one.
2. How do you know if your husband is cheating on you? He starts bathing twice a day.
3. Why did the husband cross the road? To get away from the nagging wife.
4. What does a husband and a toilet have in common? They both get used to being shit on.
5. Why did the husband go to the doctor? He had a bad case of listening to his wife.
6. Why do husbands always have to be right? Because they’re never wrong.
7. What’s the difference between a husband and a dog? The dog is always happy to see you.
8. How do you know when your husband has lost his mind? When he starts agreeing with you.
9. What do you call a husband who does the dishes? Gay.
10. Why do husbands prefer to marry virgins? They can’t stand criticism.
11. Why do husbands always have to be in charge? Because they can’t handle being told what to do.
12. What’s the difference between a husband and a lawn mower? You can tune up a lawn mower.
13. Why do husbands always forget their wives’ birthdays? Because they never forget the date of their favorite sports team’s championship.
14. What’s the difference between a husband and a washing machine? You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won’t follow you around for a week.
15. Why do husbands always forget their wedding anniversary? Because they’re too busy remembering the day they got married.
16. Why do husbands always fall asleep after sex? Because they’re tired of pretending to care.
17. Why do husbands always have to be right? Because they’re never left.
18. What’s the difference between a husband and a bar of soap? A bar of soap is easier to handle.
19. Why do husbands always have to be the breadwinners? Because they’re too lazy to make sandwiches.
20. What’s the difference between a husband and a taxidermist? A taxidermist only has to work with dead things once.
21. Why do husbands always forget to put the toilet seat down? Because they’re too busy putting the toilet paper on the wrong way.
22. Why do husbands always have to be the center of attention? Because they’re the only ones who care.
23. What’s the difference between a husband and a remote control? A remote control actually listens to you.
24. Why do husbands always have to be in control? Because they can’t handle being out of control.
25. What’s the difference between a husband and a cockroach? One is a disgusting pest that you can’t get rid of, and the other is a cockroach.
26. Why do husbands hate shopping with their wives? Because they can’t handle the heat in the kitchen.
27. What’s the difference between a husband and a smartphone? A smartphone actually knows how to touch you.
28. Why do husbands always forget to take out the trash? Because they’re too busy taking out the beer cans.
29. What’s the difference between a husband and a snowstorm? You can always shovel your way out of a snowstorm.
30. Why do husbands always have to be right? Because they’re never happy being wrong.
31. What’s the difference between a husband and a rock? A rock is more interesting to talk to.
32. Why do husbands always have to be the boss? Because they can’t handle being the employee.
33. What’s the difference between a husband and a tomato? A tomato actually has some flavor.
34. Why do husbands always forget to put the cap back on the toothpaste? Because they’re too busy leaving the toilet seat up.
35. What’s the difference between a husband and a piece of furniture? A piece of furniture actually has some use.
36. Why do husbands always have to be right? Because they’re never wrong, except when they’re apologizing.
37. What’s the difference between a husband and a vacuum cleaner? A vacuum cleaner actually sucks.
38. Why do husbands always forget to take out the recycling? Because they’re too busy taking out the trash.
39. What’s the difference between a husband and a tree? A tree actually has some personality.
40. Why do husbands always have to be the hero? Because they can’t handle being the damsel in distress.
41. What’s the difference between a husband and a light bulb? A light bulb actually knows how to turn you on.
42. Why do husbands always forget to put the seat down? Because they’re too busy admiring their own reflection in the toilet.
43. What’s the difference between a husband and a book? A book actually has some depth.
44. Why do husbands always have to be the smartest person in the room? Because they can’t handle being the stupidest.
45. What’s the difference between a husband and a fish? A fish actually has some personality.
46. Why do husbands always forget to put the dishes away? Because they’re too busy eating from them.
47. What’s the difference between a husband and a car? A car actually takes you somewhere.
48. Why do husbands always have to be the center of attention? Because they’re the only ones who care.
49. What’s the difference between a husband and a potato? A potato actually has some flavor.
50. Why do husbands always forget to put the toilet seat down? Because they’re too busy admiring their own reflection in the water.
51. What’s the difference between a husband and a lamp? A lamp actually has some use.
52. Why do husbands always have to be right? Because they’re never wrong, except when they’re sleeping on the couch.
53. What’s the difference between a husband and a bird? A bird actually knows how to fly.
54. Why do husbands always forget to take out the garbage? Because they’re too busy eating from it.
55. What’s the difference between a husband and a horse? A horse actually has some intelligence.
56. Why do husbands always have to be the boss? Because they can’t handle being the intern.
57. What’s the difference between a husband and a cat? A cat actually knows how to take care of itself.
58. Why do husbands always forget to put the cap back on the toothpaste? Because they’re too busy brushing their teeth.
59. What’s the difference between a husband and a cow? A cow actually has some personality.
60. Why do husbands always have to be right? Because they’re never wrong, except when they’re trying to be funny.
61. What’s the difference between a husband and a car wash? A car wash actually knows how to clean you up.
62. Why do husbands always forget to take out the recycling? Because they’re too busy drinking from the cans.
63. What’s the difference between a husband and a snake? A snake actually has some charm.
64. Why do husbands always have to be the hero? Because they can’t handle being the sidekick.
65. What’s the difference between a husband and a bicycle? A bicycle actually knows how to take you somewhere.
66. Why do husbands always forget to put the seat down? Because they’re too busy trying to make it spin.
67. What’s the difference between a husband and a shoe? A shoe actually knows how to fit you.
68. Why do husbands always have to be the smartest person in the room? Because they can’t handle being the most clueless.
69. What’s the difference between a husband and a duck? A duck actually knows how to swim.
70. Why do husbands always forget to put the dishes away? Because they’re too busy trying to balance them on their head.
71. What’s the difference between a husband and a bus? A bus actually knows how to take you somewhere.
72. Why do husbands always have to be the center of attention? Because they’re the only ones who care.
73. What’s the difference between a husband and a banana? A banana actually has some flavor.
74. Why do husbands always forget to put the toilet seat down? Because they’re too busy trying to make it flush with their mind.
75. What’s the difference between a husband and a birdhouse? A birdhouse actually knows how to attract birds.
