Hey there, are you up for a good laugh? Whether you hail from the US or beyond, humor knows no bounds. I’ve been scouring the web to bring you some rib-tickling jokes about America that will have you in stitches (or at the very least, cracking a grin).
Let’s be honest here – it can feel like there’s an overwhelming amount of negativity in our daily lives. That’s why we need humor more than ever! It has this remarkable power to lift our moods and remind us not to take ourselves too seriously. So come on and join me as we explore some of the funniest jokes about America guaranteed to put a smile on your face!
List of Jokes About American
1. Why do Americans always win at the Olympics? Because they have a “US” in “victory”!
2. What do you call an American who can play the accordion? An accidental American!
3. How do you spot an American at a buffet? They’re the ones with a plate piled high enough to reach the ceiling!
4. Why did the American bring a ladder to the bar? Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
5. How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but they’ll sue the manufacturer for millions if it’s defective!
6. Why did the American get a passport? To prove they’re a citizen of the world, even though they never leave the country!
7. What do you call an American who can speak three languages? Trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual. What do you call an American who speaks only one language? American.
8. Why did the American bring a car door to the desert? So they could roll down the window when it got too hot!
9. How do you confuse an American? Tell them that Canada is the capital of the United States!
10. Why do Americans love going to the gym? Because it’s the only place where they can legally scream “USA! USA!”
11. What do you call an American who doesn’t own a TV? Amish.
12. Why did the American take a ladder to the bar? They wanted to reach the high spirits!
13. How does an American change a light bulb? They don’t. They declare it the best light bulb in the world and live in the dark!
14. Why do Americans always smile in pictures? Because they can’t spell “cheese” without “US”!
15. Why did the American stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said “concentrate” on the label!
16. How do you get an American to apologize? Say, “I’m sorry, did I offend you with the truth?”
17. What do you call an American with a PhD? A tourist.
18. Why don’t Americans need umbrellas? Because they believe in “making it rain”!
19. How do you make an American stop talking? Put a burger in their mouth!
20. Why did the American bring a ladder to the bar? Because they heard the drinks were on a higher level!
21. What do you call an American who has never been to Europe? A geographer.
22. Why don’t Americans need passports to travel? Because everywhere they go becomes American soil!
23. How do you confuse an American? Ask them to locate their country on a map!
24. What’s an American’s favorite type of tea? Liberty!
25. Why did the American go to art school? To learn how to draw red lines on maps!
26. How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but they’ll sue the ladder company if they fall!
27. What’s the difference between an American and a yogi? One says “namaste,” and the other says “Howdy, y’all!”
28. Why did the American start an online business? Because they heard there were no borders on the internet!
29. How can you tell if an American is bluffing? Their lips are moving!
30. What did the American say when they won the lottery? “I’ll take the lump sum in hamburgers, please!”
31. Why don’t Americans use the metric system? Because they refuse to be “meterosexual”!
32. How do you stop an American from drowning? Take your foot off their head!
33. Why did the American get kicked out of the bakery? They couldn’t resist the temptation to “patty cake” with the buns!
34. What’s an American’s favorite kind of math? “Sum”-thing easy!
35. Why do Americans think all British people have bad teeth? Because they can’t fathom a country without free refills!
36. How do you confuse an American? Ask them if they celebrate the 4th of July in England!
37. What did the American say after winning the World Series? “Is that all you’ve got, world?”
38. Why do Americans always want the window seat on airplanes? So they can see the American flag when they land!
39. How do you get an American to stop talking about football? Mention “soccer”!
40. What’s an American’s favorite type of sandwich? The “liberty” sandwich, made with freedom fries and democracy bacon!
41. Why did the American go to the farmer’s market? They heard they could “pick their own” citizenship!
42. How do you make an American wait? Write “Please wait here” on the mirror!
43. What did the American say when they found out there are other countries? “Oh, you mean there’s more than just America?”
44. Why don’t Americans need compasses? Because they always know which way is “US”!
45. How many Americans does it take to eat a pizza? None, they’d rather have a cheeseburger!
46. What do you call an American who speaks two languages? Bilingual. What do you call an American who speaks one language? A patriot!
47. Why did the American take a map to bed? To dream of the places they’ll never visit!
48. How do you confuse an American? Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner!
49. What’s an American’s favorite type of music? USA-c!
50. Why did the American bring a ladder to the bar? They wanted to reach the American dream!
51. What did the American say after finishing a puzzle in 6 months? “Look, Mom, I did it all by myself!”
52. Why do Americans love baseball so much? Because it’s the only sport where they can “steal” bases legally!
53. How do you make an American drive faster? Put a “USA” sticker on their car!
54. Why did the American go to the movie theater? They wanted to watch a documentary about themselves!
55. What do you call an American who travels abroad? Lost.
56. Why do Americans eat so much fast food? Because they can’t wait for the next meal to be served in a restaurant!
57. How do you confuse an American? Ask them what the metric system is!
58. What’s an American’s favorite type of fish? The “independence” trout!
59. Why don’t Americans need alarm clocks? Because freedom rings!
60. How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but they’ll hold a press conference about it!
61. What did the American say when asked about the rest of the world? “The rest of what?”
62. Why do Americans always carry a flag with them? In case they forget which country they’re in!
63. How do you confuse an American? Put them in a room with a “free” sign and see if they leave!
64. What’s an American’s favorite mode of transportation? The “U-S-A” train!
65. Why did the American go to the library? To find out where the USA is on a world map!
66. How do you make an American instantly happy? Offer them unlimited refills!
67. What’s an American’s favorite type of comedy? “Stand-up” comedy, because sitting down is for communists!
68. Why did the American bring a ladder to the bar? They wanted to reach new heights of patriotism!
69. What do you call an American who can solve a Rubik’s Cube? A genius. What do you call someone who can’t solve a Rubik’s Cube? An American.
70. Why don’t Americans use the metric system? Because they believe “inches” are a better measurement of progress!
71. How do you confuse an American? Tell them the rest of the world doesn’t measure success in dollars!
72. What did the American say when asked about international politics? “Is that like a reality TV show?”
73. Why did the American take a map to the desert? So they could prove they were the only ones there!
74. How do you make an American jump for joy? Announce a new fast-food restaurant opening!
75. What’s an American’s favorite type of weather? “Free”-zing temperatures!
