Hey there, fellow Detroit Lions fans! If you’re like me and have spent endless hours watching our team take the field, I’ve got something special for you – 75 of the absolute funniest jokes about our beloved Lions.
I guarantee these jokes will bring a smile to your face and lighten up even the most serious situations. Whether you’re looking for something hilarious to share with your buddies or just want a good laugh all to yourself, these jokes are sure to hit the spot.
List of Detroit Lions Jokes
1. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a ladder to the game? Because they heard the competition was fierce!
2. What do you call a Detroit Lions player with a Super Bowl ring? A former player!
3. Why don’t the Detroit Lions drink tea? Because the Patriots have all the cups!
4. What did the Detroit Lions say after their playoff hopes were dashed? “Maybe next decade!”
5. How many Detroit Lions players does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They’re all used to being in the dark!
6. Why did the Detroit Lions hire a pastry chef? Because they needed someone who could make turnovers!
7. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill!
8. Why did the Detroit Lions player go broke? He kept trying to put his two cents in!
9. What’s the most popular song among Detroit Lions fans? “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen!
10. Why did the Detroit Lions go to the bank? To get their quarterback some change!
11. Why did the Detroit Lions go to the comedy club? To improve their laughable offense!
12. How do the Detroit Lions count to 10? 0-1, 0-2, 0-3…
13. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a bowl of cereal? The cereal belongs in a bowl!
14. Why did the Detroit Lions wear helmets in practice? To prevent them from injuring themselves!
15. What do you call a lion that plays for the Detroit Lions? Retired!
16. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a ladder to the game? So he could reach new lows!
17. How do you keep a Detroit Lions player out of your yard? Put up goal posts!
18. Why don’t the Detroit Lions play hide-and-seek? Nobody would ever find them!
19. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a cold soda? The soda has fizz!
20. Why did the Detroit Lions start a gardening club? They needed a backup plan for when they didn’t make the playoffs!
21. Why did the Detroit Lions coach bring a pencil to the game? To draw up new excuses!
22. What did the Detroit Lions player say when he finally won a game? “I can’t believe it! This must be a dream!”
23. Why did the Detroit Lions player go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw a winning play!
24. How do the Detroit Lions spend their bye week? Watching other teams play in the playoffs!
25. Why did the Detroit Lions player go to the bank? To open a “no interest” savings account!
26. What do you call a Detroit Lions player with a championship ring? A visitor!
27. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a map to the game? So he could find the end zone!
28. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a broken pencil? The pencil has a point!
29. Why did the Detroit Lions hire a chef? They wanted to spice up their game!
30. How do you confuse a Detroit Lions player? Put him in a round room and tell him to find the corner!
31. Why don’t the Detroit Lions use bookmarks? They can’t find the end zone!
32. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a kangaroo? The kangaroo has a pouch!
33. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a shovel to the game? So he could dig himself out of another loss!
34. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a clock? A clock knows how to keep time!
35. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a fishing pole to the game? Because he heard the other team had a lot of catches!
36. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four!
37. Why don’t the Detroit Lions play chess? They can’t find a good quarterback to make a decent move!
38. What do you call a Detroit Lions player with a lot of tackles? An optimist!
39. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a deck of cards to the game? So he could play solitaire during the fourth quarter!
40. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a jigsaw puzzle? A jigsaw puzzle has more pieces!
41. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a mirror to the game? So he could see what a winner looks like!
42. What do the Detroit Lions and possums have in common? They both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
43. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a calculator to the game? So he could calculate his team’s chances of winning!
44. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a TV drama? The drama has a plot!
45. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a parachute to the game? He heard they were good at dropping things!
46. How do you make a Detroit Lions player laugh on a Saturday night? Tell him a joke on Monday!
47. What do you call a Detroit Lions player with a championship ring? A collector’s item!
48. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a camera to the game? So he could capture their rare moments of success!
49. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a broken record? A broken record knows when to stop repeating itself!
50. Why don’t the Detroit Lions players use elevators? They’re used to taking the stairs after another loss!
51. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a whistle to the game? So he could call for help!
52. What do you call a Detroit Lions player who gets cut from the team? Unemployed!
53. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a broom to the game? To sweep away their hopes of winning!
54. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a crossword puzzle? Some people can finish a crossword puzzle!
55. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a map to the game? So he could find his way back to the locker room!
56. How do the Detroit Lions players communicate during games? They use sign language for “another loss.”
57. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a doorbell? A doorbell actually gets the job done!
58. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a dictionary to the game? He wanted to understand what “victory” means!
59. What do you call a Detroit Lions player who gets a sack? Lucky!
60. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a pillow to the game? So he could dream of a winning season!
61. How do the Detroit Lions players stay cool during games? They sit next to the fans!
62. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a broken heart? A broken heart can still feel!
63. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a tent to the game? So he could pitch something!
64. What do you call a Detroit Lions player with a brain? Gifted!
65. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a raincoat to the game? Because the opposing team was bringing a storm!
66. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a bad comedian? One makes you laugh unintentionally, the other is a bad comedian!
67. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a GPS to the game? So he could find his way out of a losing streak!
68. How do the Detroit Lions players stay motivated? They imagine they’re playing against the Lions!
69. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a broken vending machine? The vending machine still gives you something!
70. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a ladder to the game? So he could climb out of the basement!
71. What do you call a Detroit Lions player with a touchdown celebration? A legend!
72. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a telescope to the game? To get a better view of the playoffs!
73. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a bad horror movie? A bad horror movie still has a chance to scare you!
74. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a calculator to the game? To add up their losses!
75. How do you stop a Detroit Lions player from scoring a touchdown? Just wait for the Lions defense to show up!
