Are you ready for some good old-fashioned belly laughs? Look no further than this hysterical article, where we’ve compiled 75 hilarious jokes featuring our favorite subject: old ladies! You’ll be cracking up at witty one-liners and amusing stories alike. No matter your age, these jokes are sure to have you guffawing and admiring the timeless humor of senior citizens. So put down your phone, pick up your knitting needles, kick back in your rocking chair, and get ready to embark on a side-splitting journey through the world of elderly comedy!
List of Jokes About Old Ladies
1. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house!
2. What do you call an old lady who lives on a golf course? A tee-dious neighbor!
3. Why did the old lady put her money in the blender? Because she wanted to make liquid assets!
4. How do you make an old lady say “F**k”? Get another old lady to shout “Bingo!” right before she does!
5. What did the old lady say when she walked into the bank? “Please, I need to make a deposit… of my groceries!”
6. Why did the old lady become a court reporter? Because she loved taking down the “hearsay”!
7. What do you call an old lady who’s lost her hearing aid? Anything you like, she won’t hear you!
8. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the barbershop? Because she wanted a high top fade!
9. How do you make an old lady float? Take away her chair!
10. What did the old lady say when she took her dentures out at the party? “Let’s get this gum started!”
11. Why did the old lady go to the seafood restaurant? Because she wanted a little “surf and turf”!
12. What do you call an old lady who’s fast and furious? An “accelerating granny”!
13. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the library? Because she heard it had high shelves of “lit-erature”!
14. How do you know an old lady has been sending you Facebook requests? There’s a handwritten note on the screen that says “Please accept my friendship!”
15. What did the old lady say to the hipster? “I liked your style… before it was cool!”
16. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the coffee shop? Because she wanted a tall latte!
17. How did the old lady win at poker? She had a royal “shuffle”!
18. What do you call an old lady who’s always on time? A punctual-pie!
19. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the theater? Because she wanted to see a “high drama”!
20. How did the old lady cross the road? Very carefully, with a walker!
21. What do you call an old lady who’s an expert in karate? A chop-socky gran!
22. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the bakery? Because she wanted to rise to the occasion!
23. How do you make an old lady scream twice? Ask her to repeat herself!
24. What did the old lady say to the cashier at the supermarket? “Please scan this quickly, I don’t have much time left!”
25. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the zoo? Because she wanted to see the “high-enas”!
26. How do you know an old lady is a big fan of baseball? She shouts “Home run!” every time she gets back to her house!
27. What did the old lady say when she saw the ambulance? “Finally, a taxi that comes to me!”
28. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the gym? Because she wanted to reach new heights of fitness!
29. How do you make an old lady kick you out of her house? Ask her if she’s seen the “Jurassic Park” movies in theaters!
30. What did the old lady say when she found out she had won the lottery? “Now I can finally afford that cemetery plot!”
31. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the swimming pool? Because she wanted to make a big splash!
32. How do you make an old lady laugh on a Sunday? Tell her a joke on a Wednesday!
33. What did the old lady say to the musician? “I used to be a fan, but now I’m more of an air conditioner!”
34. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the art museum? Because she wanted to see the “high-brow” paintings!
35. How do you know an old lady is a fan of classical music? She thinks Beethoven is a dog’s name!
36. What did the old lady say when she saw her grandson with an earring? “Why don’t you just wear a curtain rod through your nose?”
37. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the fashion show? Because she wanted to climb the “style” ladder!
38. How do you make an old lady stop biting her nails? Make her wear shoes!
39. What did the old lady say to the waiter at the fancy restaurant? “Is it too late to order the Early Bird Special?”
40. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the orchestra? Because she wanted to sit in the “upper strings” section!
41. How do you know an old lady has been using the internet? Her screen name is “OldLady42”!
42. What did the old lady say when she saw a skateboarder? “Back in my day, we had wheels on our feet, not under them!”
43. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the flower shop? Because she wanted to pick a “high-brid”!
44. How do you make an old lady stop snoring? Put a pillow over her face!
45. What did the old lady say when she saw her reflection in the mirror? “I guess beauty is really in the eye of the beer holder!”
46. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the concert? Because she wanted to be a “big fan”!
47. How do you know an old lady has been using a smartphone? She asks Siri to call her great-great-great-great-grandchildren!
48. What did the old lady say when she saw a group of teenagers with sagging pants? “When I was your age, we wore belts, not droopy drawers!”
49. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the pet store? Because she wanted to adopt a “high-breed”!
50. How do you make an old lady stop singing? Hand her the microphone!
51. What did the old lady say when she saw her grandson playing video games? “Why don’t you go outside and play some real-life Tetris with the furniture?”
52. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the movie theater? Because she wanted to see the “top billing”!
53. How do you know an old lady is a fan of action movies? She thinks “Die Hard” is a recipe for undercooked meat!
54. What did the old lady say when she saw her granddaughter’s tattoo? “I hope you like it, because it’ll be hanging around longer than I will!”
55. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the beach? Because she wanted to get a “high tide”!
56. How do you make an old lady stop talking? Give her a mirror!
57. What did the old lady say when she saw a group of skateboarders? “I guess it’s true what they say, ‘Skate or die,’ and at my age, it’s more like ‘Skate and die!'”
58. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the amusement park? Because she wanted to ride the “high roller coaster”!
59. How do you know an old lady has been using a computer? Her screensaver is a picture of her favorite knitting pattern!
60. What did the old lady say when she saw her grandson with a piercing? “You think you’re cool? I’ve got more holes than a sieve!”
61. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the bakery? Because she wanted a “loaf” of bread!
62. How do you make an old lady stop snoring? Play some loud music!
63. What did the old lady say when she saw her reflection in the mirror? “Well, at least I still have my sparkling personality!”
64. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the zoo? Because she wanted to see the “tall-tales”!
65. How do you know an old lady is a fan of rock music? She thinks AC/DC is a brand of air conditioning!
66. What did the old lady say when she saw her grandson with a smartphone? “In my day, we didn’t need phones to have imaginary friends!”
67. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the garden? Because she wanted to reach the “high-steaks”!
68. How do you make an old lady stop talking? Give her a phone and tell her it’s a hearing aid!
69. What did the old lady say when she saw a group of cyclists? “You think you’re fit? I’m on a first-name basis with my cardiologist!”
70. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the bowling alley? Because she wanted to score a “perfect ten”!
71. How do you know an old lady has been using social media? She sends you a friend request with a self-addressed stamped envelope!
72. What did the old lady say when she saw her granddaughter with brightly colored hair? “Well, at least you’ll be easy to spot in a crowd!”
73. Why did the old lady bring a ladder to the grocery store? Because she wanted to “climb the food chain”!
74. How do you make an old lady stop singing? Turn off the hearing aid!
75. What did the old lady say when she saw a group of skateboarders? “Back in my day, we didn’t have boards with wheels, we had boards with wheels on the corners called ‘wheelchairs’!”
